Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
