No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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