so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
