shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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