What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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