If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
