Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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