Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
