Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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