This girl is more easily done than said...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
