Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All the doctor said was why
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize