and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize