he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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