I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Buhtt sex?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
