does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
