It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
