The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize