I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
