I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize