woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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