i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
