Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
