She is in my trunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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