i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
