The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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