We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
