don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
