I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
