Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
worst night to have a conscience
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize