This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
