just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
