he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
