I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
