If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
