i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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