Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
