I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
