help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
