After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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