you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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