is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
