Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
