VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
