I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
