She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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