This girl is more easily done than said...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
