...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
