just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
