I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
