i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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