i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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