I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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