i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
