He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
