Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
