Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
