apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
