Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
