i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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