how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Holy shit dude........stairs
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